mmm Friday i handed in my ID card. I felt free in some way. In other ways tho i felt alone tho and sad that i left the Army! Yer i know i was really really unhappy in the King's Troop but i know the rest of the army is different. Tho i been asking my self the Question am i doing the right thing? To be honest now i not sure! I feel i say that tho because i dont know where i am going and how or what etc.

Like in the army u have a map and u go to A to b to C etc but now it feels like i have to make a map before going A to B u know? I offen watch the news on TV about Iraq and other Operations and i have this feeling over 3 years i want to go operational. As in go a to Iraq etc. I have my limits tho as my leg not playing ball but i still feel i want too. If u ask me why well all u get is i dont know i just do. Its weird i know but man its weird.

I doing the HGV course and i think i doing well and getting better. It makes me worry tho am i going to pass if not then i have to look for another path. Am i going to make enough money etc. So much to worry about and i not sure i even taking the right path u know? I know its way to early to say its a mistake to sign off yet and i give it a year to see how i am doing. After all i can rejoin if it get really bad u know?

I am basicly saying i am scared what going to happen but hey i think i worry too much. I love Kate too but i do wounder me and Kate ever going to be together at the end? If so and i move to the states i hope my fittness goes really well by then. I am still interested in the state Police as it has alot of challenges. Which is what i need u know? Problem on my part tho is my grammer and spelling! Its shit! I know they need someone who can do tho things but i dont know i can get better on that skills tho.

I was watching Blood Dimoned today and it just got me thinking. Oh by the way its a great film too and i say watch it!

I going to see Kate after my course but i havent confirmed my dates yet when i am coming. This is the last vist that i can say i will be coming. Why? well once i am out out of the army i have to earn money and work hard. I dont mind that but i have more costs and more bills to pay. I have to save up for next trips. Less leave to go as often. In some was with my Money its not looking great. I may not be able to see Kate in the states for some time after this one. I be so focused on saving money and investing money!

So even tho i love Kate i think i have to work out on saving etc to make much money as possable. Find courses i can do to help make more etc. Greed? yes and be selfish in some ways. In the Army u can Invest more and not worry some much about the future like retirment. In civi street thats on my mind! so i need to save and invest to make sure i have a nice wallet at the end. Oh also if i stayed in i can do 22 years and have a not bad pension but this is 40 years now and more to work at! In some ways i look at it as a challenge but a worry that i dont fully understand in tho. So after my HGV course and i go to Kates i going to reasearch in Savings account and investments etc. I will Look into houses to invest but maybe in Spain or something. Only tho when i have a steady income i have a good look at it but who knows.

I going to stay with mum for 6- a year i hope but long if need be. Maxs my money making if i can and take over the world? who knows!

Anyhow i in at 12 2moro and i going to vist this yard and say hi can i help and ride etc on the weekends :P I only driving for 2 hours too. What am i going to do after my lesson? i dont have a clue! Anyhow i off to bed now and talk to Kate later!!

Pete
PS sorry for talking crap lol